When the night falls.....

The silence of night, its bliss for some people, an escape from the entire day’s stress and exhaustation .They want to live every moment of that peaceful silence, loosening up their mind and thoughts. Some fear it, mostly because of the darkness around. The silence makes them anxious, nervous and daunts them. Some vent out their emotions during such times, the loneliness around, makes them feel comfortable in expressing their true self. So some cry, remembering old deep sorrows, some smile, suddenly thinking about long lost happy memories, some try to suppress their hidden feelings and practice to pretend, the way they always do, and, some even dance in joy. One night, so many forms. Just the person and the perception matters. There are stars shinning for everyone. Some see the light, just like a flash of hope in utter darkness,as if for their rescue, for others it’s just another faint light which will eventually fade.  It’s meant to be the same for everyone, yet it differs.

Kabhi itefaaq kabhi  sachaayi

In gehrayioon mein bhi hai kitni tanhai

Is sannate ki rusvayi,ab lagti hai jaise mujhi apni parchayi

Kyoon reh jati hoon mein akele,yeh aajtak soch na payi

Mai aur  meri sansein,bas  intezaar hai in saansoon ki judai………………

Crawling back to the past....

       She sounded extremely panicked while she spoke, “Please come fast, something has happened to Sanya, something serious and I and Samarth are in the Holy Christ Hospital with her.”She told me not to ask her further questions and reach the hospital as soon as possible. It was 3pm in the afternoon, and I was in a meeting with my clients and my fellow senior financial analysts, busy with analyzing the various options of sources of finance available to my company’s client, justifying and suggesting him the most suitable and viable source for expanding his business. Amidst the crucial discussion, sensing the seriousness of the situation and above all, my sister’s emotional need demanding my presence, and my niece’s innocent face, wandering in my mind, I, excused myself from the meeting on the context of a family medical emergency, reaching my car and heading my way straight to the Holy Christ hospital, which was around a half an hour drive from my office.

           While driving, I was just praying to God all the time, praying for my baby niece’s wellbeing. The poor girl, hardly a year old was as it is born pre-mature and as a result, Smita, my elder sister and Sanya’s mother already had a lot of complications during Sanya’s delivery. I was just hoping and praying to The Almighty, that the actual situation was nothing serious as what Smita had told me. I sped my way through the vacant roads of   Canaought place in Delhi, thanking the low traffic owing to the afternoon hours and extremely hot temperatures. I parked my car in the basement of the hospital, and rushed through the main entrance. As soon as I reached the reception, I called up Smita.”Listen, I, have reached the hospital, don’t you worry sweetie, Sanya will be all right, just tell me where all you guys are?”It was Samarth, Smita’s husband and my brother-in-law who answered the call, he seemed to be calm, at least calmer than what my sister sounded when she had called earlier this afternoon, “Its good you are here Sneha, your sister needs you, though the doctor informed us that Sanya’s condition is better now. Please come to room no 35, fourth floor.” I asked the receptionist for the way, and rushed to see my niece. As I reached the room, I found the door closed, through the looking mirror, I, saw my niece, Sanya, lying on the bed, fast asleep, looking as chaste and fragile, as on the day she was born when I saw her for the very first time ever in my life .My sister, exhausted was asleep on her husband’s shoulders and Samarth, a responsible husband and father, though himself tired, was still awake staring blankly at his daughter’s face.

                     I gently knocked the door, slightly opened it and peeped inside; Samarth instantly saw me and without uttering a word, signaled me to come inside. I came inside, trying my best to make as less sound as I can. I stood next to Sanya’s bed, now looking at her angelic face in deep slumber. Samarth, tried to toss Smita’s head a little gently now but I gestured him with my hands to sit and stay back. I went closer to Samarth, and asked him where I could see the doctor. He gave me the directions, “Once you leave this room, take a left and go straight, to the last room of the corridor. That’s where the head pediatrician sits. Trust me Sneha, its nothing serious but you know how hard it is for a mother’s heart”, glancing at his wife’s face now, “than it is for the father.” I kept silent, looking in his eyes, which were a little watery now. I put my hand on his shoulders, and nodded with consideration.

                I silently left Sanya’s ward. The moment I stepped out from room number-35, I looked towards my left. It was a long corridor indeed, with lots of rooms on either sides. But the corridor was quite desolate because of the afternoon hours, when most of the patients, mostly children, some of them, of Sanya’s age, some even younger to her were taking rest, asleep, those little souls unaware of the real world happenings and the anxiety their parents and closed ones were undergoing. I walked ahead towards the head pediatrician’s office.

               I was now in front of the doctor’s office. There was just a small board struck on the door stating head pediatrician, clearly indicating that I had come to the right room. I glanced inside the room, the doctor was not there. At that very moment, the nurse appeared, “yes maam, how can I help you?”I went inside,”Actually I want to talk to the doctor, regarding my niece’s health. She is admitted in ward number-35.When can I possibly see him?  “The nurse replied,”oh! Sir has gone on a regular checkup rounds. He will be back in around 15 to 20 minutes. You can wait for him here if you want, he will be back soon.”I thanked the nurse and decided to wait for the doctor in the waiting room, outside his cabin. I took a magazine from the pile beside and started flipping through the pages while sitting on the couch. I looked around; it seemed that I was the only visitor waiting to meet the doctor at that hour. There was a photo of two very cute babies hung on one side of the wall just opposite the doctor’s cabin in the waiting area. I stared blankly at the walls, turning over the pages of the magazine in my hand, feeling extremely sleepy and lethargic. I have no idea, when I suddenly closed my eyes and I came to my senses by the touch of someone’s hand on my shoulders,”maam, the doctor is here”. I suddenly stood up, sighed in relief,”oh, thank you sister.” I moved towards the doctor’s cabin. Through the window of his cabin, I saw the doctor’s chair facing the other side, side opposite to me; as a result I was not able to see his face. I knocked the door. The doctor replied,”Please come in!”My hands on the door knob became cold all of a sudden. I knew that voice. I don’t know why I felt that I was so familiar with that voice. But then I thought that my mind was just playing tricks, maybe because I myself was tired now. I decided to confront the doctor, so I entered the cabin and placed myself on the seat just opposite the doctor’s seat on the other side of his desk. As soon as I sat I started, “Doctor, the patient in ward number 35, Sanya, she is my niece. I just wanted to know about her health. What exactly happened to her? Will she be fine soon?”The doctor didn’t reply for at least five minutes, the chair suddenly moved, the doctor now facing me. I froze as I saw him. It was someone I have never imagined to see again in my life. It was him. It had been two years now but I remembered everything as if it happened yesterday itself.

                        “Sneha, I am really sorry but please try to understand my situation”, he said, holding my hand, his grip firm, not letting me go. My head was buzzing, I, was not able to comprehend what was happening around me, what was he was trying to tell me or explain to me and why was he doing this to me. I was suddenly clueless about everything. I could just utter those three words I was pretty sure about, tears falling from my eyes, my eyes now red, burning and aching. ”But Karthik, I love you” He loosened his grip that very moment. He came closer to me, wiped the tears off my face with his bare, warm hands, and made me sit on the chair lying nearby. He sat on his knees, held my hands in his hands, and raised my head up so that he could see my colorless, pale and sullen face. He said,”Now look into my eyes Sneha, just once. Let me explain you please.”I was completely blank, not a single ray of thought in my mind.

                     I was twenty years old when I first met Karthik. He was my best friend at college, Kirti’s elder brother. I had always been a very practical girl. But unfortunately, I never had thoughts of my own, my world just comprised of very few people who were close to me, I never used to think about things like my life, my career, my happiness, what do I want, what gives me happiness, what would I like to do, what is important to me and for me etc, not at all aware about the ways and means of a typical girl, that charm a young teenage girl had, that  appeal, the magic girls have at my age to attract guys, I had it in me hidden somewhere but yet I was completely unaware about that aspect of me or rather I never cared about it. But when Karthik came in my life, I didn’t fall for him all of a sudden. It was not at all “love at first sight”. Things like those never existed in my mind’s dictionary and they still are non-existent to me. I never took him seriously at first.But when I started talking to him and getting to know him better; I realized that he knows me so well. He was just like a mirror to me, as if I am seeing my own shadow in him. He knew exactly what I felt, what I was thinking and how I would react. In true sense, he knew those things about me that I never knew about myself. He helped me to come out of the various layers of delusions and inhibitions, in which I was hiding my real self. To be specific, just like a soul is to a dead corpse, Karthik was to Sneha. In the words of Stephine Mayer, the author of the very famous and my favorite, ”Twilight series”,” I was unshakably, irrevocably and unconditionally in love with him.”

                        “Sneha, I am really sorry, but I can’t be with you any longer”, said Karthik, kept staring at my face, expecting me, to respond. I was numb, suddenly cold, as if someone had drenched me in freezing water. All of a sudden I was lost, not reacting to Karthik’s words as if I never heard what he said. Karthik touched my hand; I was still not reacting in any manner. My tears dried off and I almost refused to respond in any way whatsoever. Karthik, looking extremely worried, shook my entire torso, holding my shoulders now.”Sneha, please say something, please. I beg you. Look, I never intended to hurt you ever but please try to understand. This is it. There is no other way, just a dead end. You have to accept it. My family will never accept you.”I could see Karthik, his head bend, tears falling from his eyes.”Sneha, I loved you, I will always love you, but I am a coward, Sneha. I can’t fight from this society for our love .Please if you can; please I am pleading you, for your forgiveness. I am helpless. Please understand.”I stood up at that very moment, startling Karthik, who now held his head and was looking in my direction. I somehow could not see him in front of my eyes anymore. I, who craved for him, could not stand his mere presence in the room. I, ignoring his glance moved in the direction of the door, my head still aching and soaring. I grabbed my handbag from the couch beside, and without turning or looking behind at Karthik, made my way out of the door, deciding never to look back again.

            For the next following few months, Karthik tried his best to contact me. But I was determined, not to give up, not to surrender myself to him like I had, when I fell for him. I used to reflect on the fact, that maybe it was not his fault, maybe I could have forgiven him, but, his timidity, his incapability to make any efforts or any attempts to fight for his love which he always termed to be “true”, always used to stop me from reverting back to his calls and messages. I somehow could not digest the very fact that, how can he just quit without even trying hard. My tears and pain reduced with time and so did Karthik’s calls and messages. I made my own world, isolating myself from everyone. I even stopped replying to Kirti, my college best buddy and Karthik’s sister just for the simple reason that I didn’t wanted Karthik to track me in any possible manner. It was just me, very few trusted friends and off course my family, whom I have been neglecting all through this while I was with Karthik. I eventually completed my post graduation, got a decent job in Delhi, where my elder sister, Smita, lived with her husband and daughter. I thought life just moves ahead, leaving the past, treading towards the future according to its pre decided course. I never expected that my life will take such a sharp turn, compelling me to face my forgotten past, my buried misery, making me to stand now face to face with Karthik yet again. I was confronting my biggest fear yet my biggest weakness all over again now .I went blank in the exact same manner I did, two years back, looking at him with apparently no expression on my face. My destiny once again dragged me towards him, he smiling and rising from his seat now,”I knew I will meet you again; your niece is absolutely fine. You may have thought my love to be fake, but God knew it wasn’t, and here we stand facing each other again, ready to fulfill our real destiny, of being together forever and ever” He stood up from his chair came beside me, knelt down on his knees and said,”I will not waste any further moment  in any explanation as I want my precious gem to be mine forever. Do you still love me, Sneha? I will never ever be a jerk to lose you like this again in my life. Will you marry me? Will u be there beside me every morning, as the rising sun sparkles your face?”Sneha, had tears in her eyes, and Karthik   knew yet again as ever what she meant.Apparently Karthik had never quit,he had never lost his hope,just lost his heart to Sneha.Sneha,nodded and her eyes stil wet,planted a kiss on Karthik's forehead,promising to kiss him like this every morning, being beside him always.

                                       

Juggling thoughts!!

               Life is really a jigsaw puzzle. You never know what will happen the next moment. You would be moving along hand in hand with someone, humming away your favorite song. Everything seeming just so perfect, just so beautiful, exactly the way you always wanted. But then suddenly, your steps take a twisted turn. All of a sudden you are all alone. The lighted path turns dark, not a ray of light, not a ray of hope peeping from any direction. Out of the blue, you find yourself on unknown, unheard paths. 

             So if you think that life is what I described above where everything turning out your way, well no, what I described afterwards,the latter, that’s life! So mysterious, so baffling so inexplicable, astonishing you at every instant. Coming along with something unexpected, sometimes good, sometimes bad, sometimes ravishing sometimes astounding .Ah! That’s what life is. So don’t plan it, discover it, like a hideous, adventurous and nerve-wracking journey and I am sure, you’ll love it if not always then at least sometimes.

First encounter

                       She arrived at the mall at the decided time. It was 11 am in the morning, a bright but rather sunny Wednesday, and the mall had just opened. As she entered inside the mall, she, glanced around, her eyes searching for someone intently. Reaching the central gallery of the mall, she checked her watch; it was sharp 11:10 am. She hovered around for a while, her eyes still scrutinizing every guy around, as if it was him, but thankfully there were very few people in the mall at that particular instance owning to the early morning timings, as the mall has just opened. She seated herself on a bench placed in the central hall, checking the clock in her mobile now, as if it would show some different time, than her wrist watch. After a few minutes of gazing at every person coming inside from the main entrance, she noticed a guy, wearing a white plain un -tucked shirt, sleeves rolled up to his mid arms, wearing a pair of denims, not so loose or low waist, just perfect, wearing a pair of black sandals, a loose silver metallic watch in his right wrist, entering through the main entrance. Her eyes all of a sudden got fixed on his face. He was in his mid-twenties, wheatish in complexion,small,round faced,average height, not so ruggedly handsome but not at all ugly or bad looking, his hair neatly cropped, though the growth of his hair less intense towards the sides of his head, clean shaven with eagerness so visibly clear in his eyes and face, his head moving in every possible direction as if he too was looking for someone. She was dead sure, it was him.

                         Her eyes glittered with joy and happiness at his very sight. Though he still was not able to spot her, she decided to make a move herself and got up from where she was sitting, walking in his direction. As she reached near him, she saw him facing her in opposite direction, his back towards her. She was still some steps away from him, and thought of surprising him. She dialed his phone number. She heard his ringtone, the very ringtone he has kept for her as he told her once, the song he associated with her, ringing not so loudly but loud enough for her to hear it. He panicked and searched the pockets of his jeans reaching for his phone, instantly taking the call. He seemed pretty excited and she could notice the vibrancy of his voice when he asked,”Hey, where are you???”.She smiled and said, “Turn around”. As soon as he heard her, without even disconnecting the call, he immediately turned his body around, now all of a sudden facing her. He saw her face, his eyes lightning up, his lips widening into a huge smile. He disconnected the phone call, kept it back in his pocket and now he moved towards her. Now they were facing each other for the very first time, ever since the past one year they have known each other. At first they stared each other for a couple of minutes, each of them figuring out how to react and what to say. Even before meeting they had decided upon certain things and rules so as to what they will do, when they will finally meet. All those talks and discussions, vaporized from her mind at that particular moment, her mind completely blank, unaware of what to do, as if it had lost all control over her. She  didn't knew why,but,she couldn’t  wait any longer to feel him, and at that very moment ,she caught hold of his shoulders, dragged him closer to her body and hugged him tightly. He, as if shocked didn’t react for a split second but then he too reciprocated and put his arms around her ,touching her back, she feeling the warmth of his body and  his breath so closely for the first time. It was as if like a dream, a moment which she wanted to crystallize,desiring that the world and the time should freeze at that very instant. A truly magical moment embedded in her memory forever.

Uljhan

Kya bataoon tumhe,kya sunaoon tumhe?

Kaise boloon  apne dil ki baat, mere lafzoon ki  tapish pheeki jo pad jaati hai tumhare intezaaz mein

Kaise samjhaoon tumhe,kaise manaoon tumhe?

Mere saasein  tham si jo jaati hain,tumhare ek dedaar se

Kis bahane se, kaise jataoon tumhe?

Meri dil ki dhadkan kaise badh si  jati hai tumhare ishq ke ajab andaaz se

Kya  bayan karoon, kaise dikhaoon tumhe?

Baharo mein kaliyaan aur mere chehre ki muskaan  kaise khil si jaati hai tumhare bas ek khayaal se

Kya mangoon tumse,kya poochoon tumhe?

Meri  sooni zindagi mein ujala  bhar dene wale,tere jaadu ka mujhpar kaisa asar pada hai….

Kya baton tumhe,kya sunao tumhe???....

For my angel...!!

Like a shining distant star

Baby, why are you  so far?

Just like sparkling moonlight

You make my life so utterly bright

Like the cool and soothing breeze around

Your gentle kiss lifts me off the ground

Just like a child’s innocent smile

Your silly jokes, oh so juvenile!

Gazing the stark dark sky

I want you beside me, whenever I lie

The tender touch of your fingertips

Make me pine for your mark on my lips

Baby, you are forever in my heart

Coz loving you, is just the type of my art

I see you all morning and all night

Never ever loosing you from my sight

They say sometimes wishes do come true

Coz all I wish is to have you!

  

Life...!!!

           What is the value of your tears? Ever wondered who are your real companions in life? What is the worth of your existence for anyone? Who are those, who live for you? What makes you happy? Are you for the matter of fact, happy with the way your life is heading? Are you doing whatever you wanted to do at the present? Do you picture yourself the in the same way, the way you are?

           There is no value of your tears for anyone in this world. Those are just some drops of water which your eye secretes; you yourself need to convert those tears into pearls. Selfless love, unconditional love all is just having a existence in fiction. Nothing such thing exists in the real world. Loneliness, you, yourself is one’s best companion in life. Savor it, nurture it. Your existence for anyone in this world counts in terms of the success you achieve. So it goes like the more sucussessful you are the more you are made to feel alive. Go on, dare to accept it. That’s what happens in the real world. No one lives for you, people just live with you. They stop living with you the moment they believe you are a worthless crap and a sheer piece of junk. So don’t fall as a false prey to the pretence of true care portrayed by such people. Listening to your heart, whatever your own mind tells you is the best way to be happy. It’s one of the biggest mistakes to believe anyone however close to you they claim to be. Happiness or unhappiness depends on one’s perception. According to Bhagwad Gita, one’s mind is like horses attached to the chariot and you are the charioteer, but the horses have no reins and they are free to run wild in any direction. Urge yourself to control those loose horses symbolizing your liberated thoughts, channelize yourself and your energies in your betterment, be selfish towards your motives and goals rather than doing what others tell you to do or working according to the fantasies of others. Take control of your life yourself because you really can’t afford to trust anyone in this world where solitude is the best solace a true bliss.

The journey down the memory lane...

       The time is fleeting, life racing against it,speeding its way through the past,treading over the present towards the future.Those memories slowly fading,vanishing,diminishing from the surface of our minds, now occupying the rear,dwindling somewhere at the back of our heads.

       All of a sudden, like a flashback,those images float in front of my eyes not so often though but sufficient enough to make me melancholy.The wall between us,drifted us so apart,our voices sounding like echoes from a distant cliff now,whenever we hear each other after a long time.

      The closeness we shared once,you knowing everything about me,all my coverts,my secrets,my fantasies,my dreams all has now vaporised with the passage of time.You busy with your life,I,engaged in my own regular chores,how unbelievable it seems that earlier not a day used to pass without me or you,thinking about each other.The warmth and passion of our relation,loosing its momentum as we decided to choose different paths because unfortunately our paths were never destined to coincide,forcing us to go our own separate ways,maintaining distance from each other,first mentally,then emotionally and finally physically.

      Time,indeed,is a magical healer,but,the strings of sudden thoughts,the impulsive wave of nostalgia,your unexpected remembrance while gazing or listening to something,I,once associated with you is so invoulantary, that I cannot help pondering and reflecting about you,thrusting myself towards you all over once again hunting your memories buried deep,in a solitary corner of my heart.

Tamanna....!!

Ji chahta hai ki un phursat  ke  paloon ko jhat se samet loon

Maa ke lambe anchal main khud ko aaj phir lappet loon

Haathoon se phisalti ret ke tinko ko rook loon

Kyoon  na apne har gam ko law mein jhook doon

Yaadoon  ke  jharookhoon mein kaid un lamhoon ko phir aazaad kar loon

Pita ke majboot  bajuoon ke ehsaas ko phir aabaad kar loon

Bachpan ki us alhadta, maasumiyat  ke beejoon ko phir seech loon

Bhaiya  se  baaji  harne ke bawajood bhi usi tarah haar kar bhi jeet loon

Mitti se sane hathoon se diwaroon par phir se who nanhe   nishaan  chod  jaoon

Sabki ankhoon kataara hone ka woh gumaan kyoon na ek bar phir odh loon

Chutpan ki bebaki,us befikri ko phir mehsoos karloon

Hadh se jyada pyare khilauno mein apni jaan ekbaar phir mehfooz kar doon

Choti ankhoon mein tairte un taral sapne ki udaan kyoon na aaj phir mein  bhar loon

Nani ke dulaar ko ek baar phir se  batoor loon

Un komal haathoon ki narmi ko mein phir wapas khoj loon

Gum si us zindagi ko main kyoon na aaj phir se  jee loon......

It's a new day,a new beginning..!!!

             A new gust of air, blowing past my body, stirring my senses, touching my skin. Its freshness striking my soul, asking me to rise, to shed all my inhibitions, fears, all my negativity and toil towards constructing a path, following which my life will get a new direction, a new meaning, a sense of being alive, existing, sparkling my core, my inner self with abundant radiance and glow, accompanied with true pleasure and joy.

              I feel so free today. Just like a tiny bird, stretching her wings in the blue, infinite sky, experiencing the sudden tug of swift winds as inevitable hurdles. But despite of such barriers, seeing the vast ,never ending stretch of blue trail, she does not get petrified , instead it encourages  and compels her to reflect on the fact that she has to fly so much  and so elevated, thanking the Almighty for giving her the strength and making her capable of such a challenge, such a flight to achieve her desires and aspirations, leaving behind the past, her small, glittering eyes, just fixed on the blue carpet laid in front ,thrill and passion ascending within, driving and thrusting her to her destination.

Freedom in real sense.......

The dream of India as a strong nation will not be realised without self-reliant, self-sufficient villages, this can be achieved only though social commitment & involvement of the common man." 

                                                                                                                                        - Anna  Hazare

 Yesterday,15^th august,2011,Indians celebrated, India’s 65^th Independence day. It was like a regular national holiday incidentally lined by Rakshabandhan, an important Hindu festival widely celebrated all throughout India. Quite a lot of people were hardly bothered and continued with their regular activities and took Independence Day as a mere extension of their weekend, another day to relax and spend time with their close ones. I don’t deny I was also among the majority of the crowd and did nothing special or anything worth even mentioning.

                But the most important question here is, are we really Independent??Even after 65 years of freedom we are still not free. We are still bounded by the chains of so many evils and one of the very significant among them is corruption of all kinds be it social, political or financial. One man out of the 1.21 billion population of India, dared to stand and fight against this evil which is not only eating up our economy but also degrading our society. Most of us have this sheepish mentality, where we tend to follow and move as herds rather than being leaders. Out of the vast majority of such docile followers, rises one leader, one who acts as a driving force for a change.

               In the first struggle of Independence, back in 1857, it was Mangal Pandey, followed by our own Father of nation, Mahatma Gandhi and now in the 21^st century rose another great motivator  to awake the Indians, especially the youth to battle against corruptions and the corrupt, to get our money back from the shady politicians who fooled us all through this while. This man, Anna Hazare, though lean but has the same spark in him which Mahatma Gandhi had. Its true, we can do wonders and make the country free from the clutches of corruption by joining Anna Hazare in his struggle only if we have hope and belief. And as they say its always better to do something rather than doing nothing to stimulate a wave of change, to usher new anticipation and to build a stronger and better India. Instead of cribbing about the political structure, the loose legal framework, the pathetic infrastructure its now the chance we as youngsters have got to prove that we can come up together, for a real cause, for a developed India. We are no longer the moral lacking, western influenced astray young Indians. We are responsible, both as individuals as well as citizens of a free democratic nation.

          Now, I ask the same question again, but in a different sense. We know we are not free, and we cannot be free from such chains which are a hurdle to our country’s progress and growth. But question now is, do we want to free India???Ask this question to your heart even though you didn’t do anything worthwhile yesterday. Just remember the hard time you or maybe someone you might know must have while getting some government work done,or anything else you think you need to change, because  we have already ignited the matchstick all we need to do is to spread the fire. So wake up before it’s too late to act because it’s the right time to strike my friends.

Kuch khona kuch paana chalta rehta hai,sasoon ka afsaana chalta rehta hai....

Yeh bekhauf behti hawayein
mujhe kuch is tarah chu jayen,
ke patto ki sarsarahat mein bhi ,tera hi zikr sunayi de jaye....

Yeh taroon ki timtimati roshini
meri naino mein kuch yoon samaye
ki in dhundhali ankhoon mein bhi,teri hi tasveer nazar aaye....

Yeh khusname fizayein,tere,mere kareeb hone ke ehsaas ke jaise
mere tan ko is kadar gudgudaye,
ki badrang saman bhi,rangeen nazraano mein tabdeel ho jaye.....

Yeh bhini mehek,tere madhosh kardeni wali awaaz saman
mere jism ko kuch yoon sihraye
ki har lamha tera saaya meri rooh ko ek ajeeb sa chain pauhchaye...

Un palo ki yaadoon ko qalb maine aaj bhi kuch is tarah saja ke rakha hai,
ki mana tu mere mukaddar mein nahi
par mere zehen mein teri majboot yaadon ka gharondoon  dekh
mera mukaddar bhi sharma jaye...!!!

Recollections....

Seasons change, times change.

Lives change, lifestyle change

Concepts change, beliefs change

 Attitudes change, perceptions change

Love changes, emotions change

Feelings change, reasons to live change

Destiny changes, desires change

People change, ambition change

 But one thing which you can never change however hard you try,

Past and the memories restored in it always remains the same!!

                                                           

Mind Games!!

              It happens with all of us,at some point or the other.Ever remembered,you have no thoughts in your mind,not a thing strikes,no ideas,only a complete blank,just a blur,vague hollowness??Maybe a futile effort to come out of such emptiness,your eyes struck at a point,a hole,a spot or a blot on the wall.
               You just can't term it as a blackout in a real sense because blackout happens in panic or straining situations.The mental condition,I'm talking about just happens at random,out of the blue,at casual occasions.It can happen when you'r trying to gather your attention at something,when you are focusing at something, trying to remember a thing,maybe at times when you'r watching rains outside your window,most often while studding or when you are just laying down gawking at the ceiling or the revolving fan  with eyes wide open.
                So true,our mind is really so unusual.It plays so many tricks.Sometimes its flooded and overflowing and sometimes it just stops working or racing abruptly and peculiarly .It is indeed God's one of the finest creations.

PS:- Wrote this one,in the same situation and condition,I, just described above.   

On this Friendship's day....

I love you not only for what you are,
but for what I am when I am with you.
I love you not only for what you have made of yourself,but for what you are making of me.
I love you because you have done more than any creed could have done to make me good,
and more than any fate could have done to make me happy.
You have done it without a touch,
without a word,without a sign.
You have done it by being yourself.
Perhaps,that is what being a friend means,after all....

STRAIGHT FROM HEART-Mumbai miracles...!!

A lot has been already said and described about Mumbai, through  songs and movies dedicated to this magical city, articles, photography,  speeches etc. We all know, actually it’s like a fact now,” Mumbai is a city of dreams”. So what’s special about this city which makes people from all over the world to admire it so much? Honestly speaking, I never liked or loved the city so much.  I was already too floored by my hometown Lucknow, that there was no space whatsoever left for any other city in my heart. I tried hard but I must say, Mumbai has its charm. It waded its path through thick and thin and slowly captured this small heart of a 20 year old girl hailing from a so called “small town”,(technically Lucknow is a state capital and cannot be called as a small town but I while comparing it with Mumbai regarding a lot of factors still consider it to be a “town”).Though this entire process took a significant amount of time for Mumbai  to share my heart’s space with the memories and affection I have and will always have for my hometown.

                    In spite of various limitations and hardships like, crowd, overflowing population, terrible and deadly monsoons, poor infrastructure, and huge distances within the city the most important factor which made me love this city are its people, the Mumbaikars. You know however bad your journey is, if you get good company, still the journey becomes worthwhile. You almost tend to forget the negative aspects and start going with the flow. Same happened with me. Mumbaikars are the most welcoming, honest, helpful people I have ever come across. However issues parties like ShivSena and MNS bring along and try to create bridges and gaps between people but still the spirit of Mumbaikars is worth adoring. This city has a mixture of cultures, it welcomes all, it opens its doors for all and one, whether you are a Maharashtrian, a Gujarati,  a Marwari,a Tamil , Telegu, Malyali or a UPite or Bihari for a matter of fact. The differences created are just for namesake, these differences are not there in people’s heart or in their minds. You slowly and steadily tend to adapt to the fast lifestyle, the overflowing roads during monsoons, the dirt around, the portholes filled roads. It all just becomes the part and parcel of one’s life and you just don’t mind it any longer.

                    The city is really safe for girls. Unlike other metros, like Delhi, Bangalore, Hyderabad, Kolkata etc(I have just been to these cities as of now) it does not have problems of eve teasing ,vulgarity, being highly unsafe or language constraints. The most important thing I noticed is that men in Mumbai treat   women with respect. They take them at par, and don’t look down upon them unlike in north where a women going outside her house is scrutinized by several eyes. The work culture is really intense. People are extremely hard working, and besides work it has whole lot of choices for those who want to enjoy their lives. You are free to do anything, chose any path, do whatever you want. You will not be questioned why you took Arts in your HSC rather than science, why you took singing or writing as a profession rather than banking or finance(It happens in my side sadly).What I noticed is that ,though other people(especially people who have been  to Mumbai form my side, i.e UP)complaining that no one is hardly bothered about anyone in this city and as I was made to have preconceived notions about this city that it’s a big bad city where no one is concerned about anyone or anyone’s life I would simply like to tell them that the way you think or perceive is wrong. Mumbaikars will not unnecessary interfere in your life, but yes unlike those shallow people who just interfere and do nothing when you need a real help they will always be their standing for your rescue. That definitely does not make them indifferent at all.

       People say that they come with dreams in this wonderful city but I will say, I never ever had a dream. The sky scrapers don’t scare me anymore, the twisted roads and paths don’t make me feel lost any more and the most important fact I don’t feel they way I used to feel anymore. I love marine drive, the peace the serenity there, the crowd at Colaba, the busy office goers at Churchgate, my college at Parla, the never ending and vast Andheri,and Mumbai’s life line the local trains. This city made me learn to see dreams, to follow peruses and achieves them. It made me believe that yes I have something, something special in me, made me feel different and now when I look back down the lane I would say, Mumbai gave me my aim, something fruitful that I can do, it strengthened my believes in myself and persuaded me to change,  change for a better future, a better life.

Reminiscence..!!

Your voice still evokes me, your  face still lingers in front of my eyes, your thoughts still wander in my mind, but you still don’t understand, and you never will. The door of my heart is closed now,but your memories still knocks at it, how, why and till when, I still don’t understand and maybe I’ll never will.....!!

Mirage...!!

           Few days back, I had this as my Facebook status: -  

A 15 year old girl holds her 1 year old son and people call her a slut. But no one knew she was raped at 13. Make fun of someone for being fat. But you don't know that person has a serious medical condition that causes them to be obese. Call the old guy ugly. But you don't know he got a serious face injury after serving the country or saving a life. Re-post this if you are against bullying and stereotyping.....

         But what did, I personally learn from it???Well, to be honest and frank enough,I, just felt something in my heart for some seconds, posted it as my Facebook status, got some likes and comments on it and then I completely forgot about it. How often do we judge people on the basis of their looks, their external behaviour and their attitude without even trying to know the real reason behind, without even trying to know the true side of a person, how he or she is in actual, how has he/ she become the way we perceive him or her to be. Do we ever bother to ask such questions like,” what is his/her real story?”,”Is my perception about him/her and his/her personality correct and apt?” before we even try to start judging a person?? Well, I realised that I don’t.

         Taking one look at a person, analysing him/her in one go, making inferences and coming to conclusions about his/her nature is really easy. But the question is, is it correct??No. definitely not. Though sometimes what you perceive or conclude about a person from his external attributes and behaviour may be correct but such might not be the case at all times .We might end up thinking negatively or disapprovingly about a person  as a result of our preconceived notions . He/she might be a genuine person for an instance but just because you never gave enough chance or never analysed or realised the softness or other good qualities hidden behind the tough or fake exterior being projected to others either knowingly or unknowingly, you might end up having unjustified feelings about a person which he/she does not deserves.

           I am glad, that I realised the mistake which quite a lot of people make, which is very common among a lot of people like me but truly speaking, wrong judgements about someone can lead to sour relations for no reasons. Relations are as it is weak threads which once broken, might not be the same it used to be in the past. So it’s better to mend ways before its too late..!!!            

                                                                                                                                 

Some unanswerable questions....

Why is it that all good things don’t last forever?

Why is it that you don’t have someone around you when you need companionship the most?

Why life teaches you lessons, you have no desire to learn at all?

Why you have to struggle for things which seem to be so easily achievable from distant?

Why does a rainbow appears only after a rainfall?

Why do beautiful flowers bear thorns?

Why laughter often also accompanies tears?

Why love leads to pain?

Why can’t all wishes come true?

Why your dear ones forget you with the course of time?

Why success, money, prestige, honour, fame overpowers affection?

Why is the future so blur when the present looks so clear?

Why destiny seems like a mirage when you know what you’re supposed to do?

Why some negativity always has to escort positivity?

If you can answer these questions with reason, you might attain the much craved for, niche, the real essence of your sole existence.

Asmanjas

Uski shama ko jigar se bujhane ki koshish karoon,

toh jaise ris-ris kar behte nal se surahi bhar hi jati hai,

dil usi tarah til-til kar bhi uss lau ko marne nahi deta.....

Uski yadoon ke gharondo se nikalna bhi chahu,

toh raatoon ki tanhai mein,uske baatoon ki sachaiyi,

mastishk ke kono mein,khoye hue nanhe bache ki cheekh samaan goonj jaati hai....

Yeh kaisa mahajaal hai,jiska na toh koi aar-paar hai aur na hi koi vistaar hai?

Yeh kaisi anokhi uljhan hai,jiska hal hi sabse badi paheli hai?

Yeh kaisa bhawar hai,jisse ubarne ki icha hote hue bhi,himmat jawaab si dene lag jaati hai?

Yeh kaise unsuljhe prashn hain,jinko jaan ne ki lalak toh hai,parantu uttar ka koi andaaza nahi hai?

Yeh kaisi stithi hai,jisme mazza bhi hai aur sazza bhi hai?

Ishq ki galliyaan jo pehle gulzaar lagti thi, suni hone ke bawajood,aaj bhi aabaad kyoon hain???

 This poem is inspired by situations being faced by a close friend.It depicts her mental situation and the dilemma which is going inside her. I would like to tell her that the lines just above this dedication,well its for you sweetie.Just choose one path,make your decision,a final one,mind you....stand with whatever you have decided and follow the course of life. You don't get everything in life just remember this.Its always your gain at one end and your loss at another end.My best wishes are with you always!!

My pichhi snehitadu

My sunshine, my smile

whenever I am sad, he’s always somewhere behind,

to soothe to pacify,

to make me feel at peace, and bright.

My sweet angel, my guide, he’s always there whenever I cry,

to dry my tears, to listen to my silly talks with utter persistence, to bring happiness by my side.

Oh my dear piggy, that’s what I call him and enjoy

you are definitely a blessing in disguise

a precious gift, a jewel of a different kind.

I just hope u never change, stay the way you are, the way you hate it when I whine

Don’t you please forget me ever, however might be the varying times,

You behold a special place in a heart, which is definitely mine!!

This poem is especially dedicated to a very close and special friend of mine,who encouraged me all this while to write and helped me identify my skills.I am really thankful to him,for if he would have not been there, i would have never identified myself completely.He acted like a mirror,showing me my true self,my strengths as well as my weaknesses...So this one is definitely for u dude...because you are the best...!!

Salvation....

I feel like a free bird now

Wings outstretched, ready to soar

Ready to take a flight, on a new journey

Leaving everything behind, to a new abode

Swaying my wings in the deep blue sky

Lost in the black clouds, oh so divine..!!

I look down, from great heights

Gazing at those petty things, those insignificant worldly ties

A sense of excitement gushes through my blood

Opening my mind, thoughts flashing as bright as a silver blaze

I want to fly higher now, above the seven skies

To reach the holy path, where my soul awaits in exile

I want to experience His touch,the one who made this web of mystification

I await that day, when i will get touched by His ray, flickering and illuminating my spirit

True freedom and liberty, striking my conscience....!!

Sweet and bitter Love...

It's as deep as an ocean's drop
It's as distant as a mountain's top
It's as true as a new born's face
Rapidly evading,with increasing pace.


It captivates you and enthralls you
Like magic,it bewilders you
It's magnificent,and brings a change
It widens your horizon and your range


But when it starts to fade
It's as hurting as a sharp blade
Because it's very hard, to discard
The one of whom you dream,who always makes you beam
The one you desire,it all burns like fire


Time silently,heals all pain
You get over things,you once thought about, in vain
But it surely leaves some deadly scars
which get engraved really far...!!!

Tark-vitark

Tumne mujhse kaha tha ki koi kisi ke bina marta nahi
sahi kaha hoga aur sach hi kaha hoga
par main sirf itna jaanti hoon
ki jise aap poore dil se paana chahe
aur woh na haasil ho,toh aap beshaq ji toh lenge
par pal-pal uski yaad mein zaroor marenge


Tumne kaha tha ki iss duniya mein kisi ka bharosa nahi karna chahiye
agar aisa hota,toh insaaniyat,jo bhale hi badi mushkil se dikhayi de,lekin aaj bhi vilupt nahi hui hai


Tumne kaha tha ki pyaar sab jhooth hai,phareb hai
agar yeh vakai sach hota,toh yeh sab sunkar bhi,main tumhe is kadar chahne na lagti


Tumne kaha tha ki prem logon ki zindagi tabah kar deta hai
parantu meri samajh mein,niswarth prem,zindagi ke har shan ko,ek suhawane safar samaan bana deta hai
jiwan jeene ki ek nayi umang,ullas ko janam deta hai


Aisa phool hi kya,jisme kaante na ho
isi tarah,aisa prem hi kya,jo itna saral ho
har baar vifal hone aur prem ko khone ke dar se
pyaar ko dhokha samjhne ki galti mat karna
sache,pawan aur shartviheen prem ke,asal mayne yahi hain...!!

Ankahe bol....

Jis tarah sagar ki lehro se chooroon par likhe naam mit jaate hain
tumhe kya laga,usi tarah mere zehen se tumhara naam mit jayega?
jis tarah pathar par lakirein ankit ho jaati hain,
mere hridaye par tumhari chaap usi tarah hai, ki mitana bhi chhaho toh mita na paoge


Tumne mujhse kitni baatein kahin,apne kitne khayaal mujhe sunaye,shayad tumhe woh sab yaad na ho
par mujhe tumhari ek-ek baat,is tarah yaad reh jati hai,jis tarah bhawre ko phoolo ki mehak yaad reh jaati hai
Tumne kaha tha,ki tum mere jiwan mein ek musafir ki tarah ho
par tumhe kya maloom, ki tum un musafiroon mein se ho 
jinhe waapsi ka raasta nahi pata


Naseeb ka lekha-jokha toh na main jaanti hoon aur na tum
par itna zaroor maanti hoon,ki tumhari maujoodgi meri zindagi mein jab tak hai,ek sunehre sapne samaan hai
Taqdeer ke khel bade anokhe hote hain,parantu,tumhare mere lamho mein samane ka,niyati ka yeh khel,mujhe bahut pyaara hai.

Prerna...

Ghani andheeri raat mein,diye ki lau ho tum
saahil mein, lehraata anchaal ho tum
chilchilaati dhoop mein, peedon ki chaav ho tum
bhayankar bavandar mein, majhdaar ka sahara ho tum


Sookhe mein,pyaase ki aas ho tum
khoye hue raahi ki raah ho tum
dhalti shaam mein,shitij ki rekha ho tum
paani mein rehti machli ki shwaas ho tum


Goonge vyakti ke alfaaz ho tum
andhe ke haathoon ka ehsaas ho tum
bichran mein milne ki pyaas ho tum
meri prathnaao ko raas ho tum


Jaadon mein tapan ki garmahath ho tum
nanhi chidiya ke udane ka aatmavishwas ho tum
barsaat mein baraste paani ka ullaas ho tum
Aur meri zindagi mein pyaar ka aagaaz ho tum...!!