When the night falls.....

The silence of night, its bliss for some people, an escape from the entire day’s stress and exhaustation .They want to live every moment of that peaceful silence, loosening up their mind and thoughts. Some fear it, mostly because of the darkness around. The silence makes them anxious, nervous and daunts them. Some vent out their emotions during such times, the loneliness around, makes them feel comfortable in expressing their true self. So some cry, remembering old deep sorrows, some smile, suddenly thinking about long lost happy memories, some try to suppress their hidden feelings and practice to pretend, the way they always do, and, some even dance in joy. One night, so many forms. Just the person and the perception matters. There are stars shinning for everyone. Some see the light, just like a flash of hope in utter darkness,as if for their rescue, for others it’s just another faint light which will eventually fade.  It’s meant to be the same for everyone, yet it differs.

Kabhi itefaaq kabhi  sachaayi

In gehrayioon mein bhi hai kitni tanhai

Is sannate ki rusvayi,ab lagti hai jaise mujhi apni parchayi

Kyoon reh jati hoon mein akele,yeh aajtak soch na payi

Mai aur  meri sansein,bas  intezaar hai in saansoon ki judai………………

Crawling back to the past....

       She sounded extremely panicked while she spoke, “Please come fast, something has happened to Sanya, something serious and I and Samarth are in the Holy Christ Hospital with her.”She told me not to ask her further questions and reach the hospital as soon as possible. It was 3pm in the afternoon, and I was in a meeting with my clients and my fellow senior financial analysts, busy with analyzing the various options of sources of finance available to my company’s client, justifying and suggesting him the most suitable and viable source for expanding his business. Amidst the crucial discussion, sensing the seriousness of the situation and above all, my sister’s emotional need demanding my presence, and my niece’s innocent face, wandering in my mind, I, excused myself from the meeting on the context of a family medical emergency, reaching my car and heading my way straight to the Holy Christ hospital, which was around a half an hour drive from my office.

           While driving, I was just praying to God all the time, praying for my baby niece’s wellbeing. The poor girl, hardly a year old was as it is born pre-mature and as a result, Smita, my elder sister and Sanya’s mother already had a lot of complications during Sanya’s delivery. I was just hoping and praying to The Almighty, that the actual situation was nothing serious as what Smita had told me. I sped my way through the vacant roads of   Canaought place in Delhi, thanking the low traffic owing to the afternoon hours and extremely hot temperatures. I parked my car in the basement of the hospital, and rushed through the main entrance. As soon as I reached the reception, I called up Smita.”Listen, I, have reached the hospital, don’t you worry sweetie, Sanya will be all right, just tell me where all you guys are?”It was Samarth, Smita’s husband and my brother-in-law who answered the call, he seemed to be calm, at least calmer than what my sister sounded when she had called earlier this afternoon, “Its good you are here Sneha, your sister needs you, though the doctor informed us that Sanya’s condition is better now. Please come to room no 35, fourth floor.” I asked the receptionist for the way, and rushed to see my niece. As I reached the room, I found the door closed, through the looking mirror, I, saw my niece, Sanya, lying on the bed, fast asleep, looking as chaste and fragile, as on the day she was born when I saw her for the very first time ever in my life .My sister, exhausted was asleep on her husband’s shoulders and Samarth, a responsible husband and father, though himself tired, was still awake staring blankly at his daughter’s face.

                     I gently knocked the door, slightly opened it and peeped inside; Samarth instantly saw me and without uttering a word, signaled me to come inside. I came inside, trying my best to make as less sound as I can. I stood next to Sanya’s bed, now looking at her angelic face in deep slumber. Samarth, tried to toss Smita’s head a little gently now but I gestured him with my hands to sit and stay back. I went closer to Samarth, and asked him where I could see the doctor. He gave me the directions, “Once you leave this room, take a left and go straight, to the last room of the corridor. That’s where the head pediatrician sits. Trust me Sneha, its nothing serious but you know how hard it is for a mother’s heart”, glancing at his wife’s face now, “than it is for the father.” I kept silent, looking in his eyes, which were a little watery now. I put my hand on his shoulders, and nodded with consideration.

                I silently left Sanya’s ward. The moment I stepped out from room number-35, I looked towards my left. It was a long corridor indeed, with lots of rooms on either sides. But the corridor was quite desolate because of the afternoon hours, when most of the patients, mostly children, some of them, of Sanya’s age, some even younger to her were taking rest, asleep, those little souls unaware of the real world happenings and the anxiety their parents and closed ones were undergoing. I walked ahead towards the head pediatrician’s office.

               I was now in front of the doctor’s office. There was just a small board struck on the door stating head pediatrician, clearly indicating that I had come to the right room. I glanced inside the room, the doctor was not there. At that very moment, the nurse appeared, “yes maam, how can I help you?”I went inside,”Actually I want to talk to the doctor, regarding my niece’s health. She is admitted in ward number-35.When can I possibly see him?  “The nurse replied,”oh! Sir has gone on a regular checkup rounds. He will be back in around 15 to 20 minutes. You can wait for him here if you want, he will be back soon.”I thanked the nurse and decided to wait for the doctor in the waiting room, outside his cabin. I took a magazine from the pile beside and started flipping through the pages while sitting on the couch. I looked around; it seemed that I was the only visitor waiting to meet the doctor at that hour. There was a photo of two very cute babies hung on one side of the wall just opposite the doctor’s cabin in the waiting area. I stared blankly at the walls, turning over the pages of the magazine in my hand, feeling extremely sleepy and lethargic. I have no idea, when I suddenly closed my eyes and I came to my senses by the touch of someone’s hand on my shoulders,”maam, the doctor is here”. I suddenly stood up, sighed in relief,”oh, thank you sister.” I moved towards the doctor’s cabin. Through the window of his cabin, I saw the doctor’s chair facing the other side, side opposite to me; as a result I was not able to see his face. I knocked the door. The doctor replied,”Please come in!”My hands on the door knob became cold all of a sudden. I knew that voice. I don’t know why I felt that I was so familiar with that voice. But then I thought that my mind was just playing tricks, maybe because I myself was tired now. I decided to confront the doctor, so I entered the cabin and placed myself on the seat just opposite the doctor’s seat on the other side of his desk. As soon as I sat I started, “Doctor, the patient in ward number 35, Sanya, she is my niece. I just wanted to know about her health. What exactly happened to her? Will she be fine soon?”The doctor didn’t reply for at least five minutes, the chair suddenly moved, the doctor now facing me. I froze as I saw him. It was someone I have never imagined to see again in my life. It was him. It had been two years now but I remembered everything as if it happened yesterday itself.

                        “Sneha, I am really sorry but please try to understand my situation”, he said, holding my hand, his grip firm, not letting me go. My head was buzzing, I, was not able to comprehend what was happening around me, what was he was trying to tell me or explain to me and why was he doing this to me. I was suddenly clueless about everything. I could just utter those three words I was pretty sure about, tears falling from my eyes, my eyes now red, burning and aching. ”But Karthik, I love you” He loosened his grip that very moment. He came closer to me, wiped the tears off my face with his bare, warm hands, and made me sit on the chair lying nearby. He sat on his knees, held my hands in his hands, and raised my head up so that he could see my colorless, pale and sullen face. He said,”Now look into my eyes Sneha, just once. Let me explain you please.”I was completely blank, not a single ray of thought in my mind.

                     I was twenty years old when I first met Karthik. He was my best friend at college, Kirti’s elder brother. I had always been a very practical girl. But unfortunately, I never had thoughts of my own, my world just comprised of very few people who were close to me, I never used to think about things like my life, my career, my happiness, what do I want, what gives me happiness, what would I like to do, what is important to me and for me etc, not at all aware about the ways and means of a typical girl, that charm a young teenage girl had, that  appeal, the magic girls have at my age to attract guys, I had it in me hidden somewhere but yet I was completely unaware about that aspect of me or rather I never cared about it. But when Karthik came in my life, I didn’t fall for him all of a sudden. It was not at all “love at first sight”. Things like those never existed in my mind’s dictionary and they still are non-existent to me. I never took him seriously at first.But when I started talking to him and getting to know him better; I realized that he knows me so well. He was just like a mirror to me, as if I am seeing my own shadow in him. He knew exactly what I felt, what I was thinking and how I would react. In true sense, he knew those things about me that I never knew about myself. He helped me to come out of the various layers of delusions and inhibitions, in which I was hiding my real self. To be specific, just like a soul is to a dead corpse, Karthik was to Sneha. In the words of Stephine Mayer, the author of the very famous and my favorite, ”Twilight series”,” I was unshakably, irrevocably and unconditionally in love with him.”

                        “Sneha, I am really sorry, but I can’t be with you any longer”, said Karthik, kept staring at my face, expecting me, to respond. I was numb, suddenly cold, as if someone had drenched me in freezing water. All of a sudden I was lost, not reacting to Karthik’s words as if I never heard what he said. Karthik touched my hand; I was still not reacting in any manner. My tears dried off and I almost refused to respond in any way whatsoever. Karthik, looking extremely worried, shook my entire torso, holding my shoulders now.”Sneha, please say something, please. I beg you. Look, I never intended to hurt you ever but please try to understand. This is it. There is no other way, just a dead end. You have to accept it. My family will never accept you.”I could see Karthik, his head bend, tears falling from his eyes.”Sneha, I loved you, I will always love you, but I am a coward, Sneha. I can’t fight from this society for our love .Please if you can; please I am pleading you, for your forgiveness. I am helpless. Please understand.”I stood up at that very moment, startling Karthik, who now held his head and was looking in my direction. I somehow could not see him in front of my eyes anymore. I, who craved for him, could not stand his mere presence in the room. I, ignoring his glance moved in the direction of the door, my head still aching and soaring. I grabbed my handbag from the couch beside, and without turning or looking behind at Karthik, made my way out of the door, deciding never to look back again.

            For the next following few months, Karthik tried his best to contact me. But I was determined, not to give up, not to surrender myself to him like I had, when I fell for him. I used to reflect on the fact, that maybe it was not his fault, maybe I could have forgiven him, but, his timidity, his incapability to make any efforts or any attempts to fight for his love which he always termed to be “true”, always used to stop me from reverting back to his calls and messages. I somehow could not digest the very fact that, how can he just quit without even trying hard. My tears and pain reduced with time and so did Karthik’s calls and messages. I made my own world, isolating myself from everyone. I even stopped replying to Kirti, my college best buddy and Karthik’s sister just for the simple reason that I didn’t wanted Karthik to track me in any possible manner. It was just me, very few trusted friends and off course my family, whom I have been neglecting all through this while I was with Karthik. I eventually completed my post graduation, got a decent job in Delhi, where my elder sister, Smita, lived with her husband and daughter. I thought life just moves ahead, leaving the past, treading towards the future according to its pre decided course. I never expected that my life will take such a sharp turn, compelling me to face my forgotten past, my buried misery, making me to stand now face to face with Karthik yet again. I was confronting my biggest fear yet my biggest weakness all over again now .I went blank in the exact same manner I did, two years back, looking at him with apparently no expression on my face. My destiny once again dragged me towards him, he smiling and rising from his seat now,”I knew I will meet you again; your niece is absolutely fine. You may have thought my love to be fake, but God knew it wasn’t, and here we stand facing each other again, ready to fulfill our real destiny, of being together forever and ever” He stood up from his chair came beside me, knelt down on his knees and said,”I will not waste any further moment  in any explanation as I want my precious gem to be mine forever. Do you still love me, Sneha? I will never ever be a jerk to lose you like this again in my life. Will you marry me? Will u be there beside me every morning, as the rising sun sparkles your face?”Sneha, had tears in her eyes, and Karthik   knew yet again as ever what she meant.Apparently Karthik had never quit,he had never lost his hope,just lost his heart to Sneha.Sneha,nodded and her eyes stil wet,planted a kiss on Karthik's forehead,promising to kiss him like this every morning, being beside him always.