जाड़ो की कडकडाती रात , और  इस रात का पसरा सन्नाटा ,
मेरी तन्हाई ने आज  फिर दी दस्तक और यादो का जमा ऐसा समां
की यह मेरी सासों की  गर्मी है या तुम्हारे एहसास की तपन , कुछ मालूम न पड़ा
मेरे कानो में  उठ  रही आवाजें,आस -पास  बिखरे तुम्हारे आखरी ख़त के  उड़ने की है या मेरे दिल के
तार -तार  की होने की ,कुछ मालूम न पड़ा
 यह आँखों की नमी है या दिल  में उठे  सैलाब का पानी ,कुछ मालूम न पड़ा
यह तुमसे फिर मिलने की बेचैनी है या तुम्हे खो  की मायूसी,कुछ मालूम न पड़ा
इस रात की रुसवाई और सब कुछ जानते  हुए तुम्हे वापस पाने की  वो  बेवजह बेताबी  का न  जाने फिर   क्यों मेरे मन में घिरना ..........कुछ मालूम न पड़ा !!!

         

Heartbreak!!

                    She was so thrilled. She had finally realised it at last after fighting and struggling with her own thoughts about him. She had feelings for him. she always had feelings for him from a long time as right after their first few casual talks she had started liking him. He was so different, unlike other guys she had ever interacted with. He was gentle, kind and understanding. The best thing was she felt so close, so comfortable with him in spite of the fact that they both were so different from each other individually. She was bubbly, chirpy and talkative. He was almost opposite, grave, mature and serious. She decided to communicate with him, this time openly. To tell him what she really felt for him. Suddenly she couldn’t wait any longer and grabbed her cell phone. She had his number in the recent call log so she dialled him immediately .She could hear his caller tune again already after hearing it before so many times, a  fine and  soothing instrumental music  which just eases the caller rather than irritates him/her(which happens most of the times with caller tunes, they just divert your attention and make you forget the purpose you dialled the person’s number for).It was exactly like him, the way he is. So relaxing, so peaceful. After a minute finally he came on line.

               She heard his soft, restful voice. She replied, ”hey it’s me!!”She could sense his happiness and excitement now.”Oh! I was about to call you. What a pleasant coincidence! I wanted to tell you something.”  When she sensed his excitement and his eagerness to share something with her, chills ran through her body .She was just mentally praying in her head...Oh! God, I hope he’s just thinking exactly what I am thinking right now. She replied, ”oh cool go ahead!!”He paused for a moment and said ,”wait a minute. You called me so you should tell me what it is first. Why did you call me? Isn’t it just and fair?”She went blank and nervous. She wasn’t suddenly able to remember at all why she had called him. She tried to sound normal and said,”oh nothing specific. I just called you casually. Go on I want to hear what you have to say.”He was as if expecting this reply for her side and almost willing to vent out whatever he had to, he replied ,”oh ok, then it’s me who has to speak right now. I am dying to tell you this” .She could feel the goose bumps on her hand, the hand which held the phone.

              She said, ”come on ,then tell me. What are you waiting for?”She again said a short prayer in her head, ”God ,hope he feels the way I feel for him” He was talking very slowly now, very cautiously, as if he’s disclosing some confidential covert. He said,”The thing is, I am in love”. She just stopped dead holding the railing of her balcony. She couldn't believe her ears. He grew a little worried when he didn’t hear any response from her side. He said”hello, are you there”. She woke up as if from a dream and replied, ”yes, yes, oh that is great!!That is really wonderful!”He sounded really relived and extremely happy, ”she is  just so perfect for me. I can’t believe that I am in love. She is just so special. It feels so good.’’ She was beaming  and busy scratching the paint off the railing of her balcony with her nails in extreme exhilaration. She replied, ”Oh  that is so amazing !what’s her name? Where did you guys meet? Who is the special girl” half knowing and half hoping that it’s her. She said again in her head,” He takes my name, oh God please.”

He was a little hesitant but later when he couldn’t hide it anymore not at least from her, he replied, ”well, I met the angel in our college. You know her very well” Now she was confused. Was he playing tricks with her or was it someone else .She told herself, it can’t be the other way round...relax! She asked or rather pressed further, “But who is this angel you suddenly fell in love with??”He whispered, ”shh....don’t talk so loudly, I haven’t told it to anyone yet except you, and you are supposed to keep it to yourself until unless I tell this to her, the girl of my dreams, the girl whom I love. She’s in our class only infact she’s our teammate. That is all I can tell you as of now. You will be the first of all my friends to know who she is shortly, trust me”

               She was suddenly numb. She just couldn’t move and stood still. A tear dropped from her  eyes, she  didn’t realise  knowingly or unknowingly. The railing felt cold or she guessed it was her hand which went so cold. She couldn’t respond, couldn’t comprehend anything. How can this happen. They were childhood friends. They used to hang out together and spend so much time together that he could not have got the time to talk to anyone else apart from her. They were so close, and he was never friends with any other girl except her .Or let’s face it he wasn’t ever so comfortable talking  or interacting with any other girl except her.She was the only one he shared everything with. She could feel her hand holding the phone trembling. He replied, ”hello, are you there? What happened?”She suddenly came to her senses on hearing his voice. Her voice crackled when she spoke now, but  somehow managing to control herself for the last time ,she  replied ”All the best, I will always pray for you and your happiness. I should go now. My mom just called me for some urgent work . Bye” He replied, ”oh yes, I  can’t wait for tomorrow when I will finally tell her about my feelings. See you at college tomorrow. Thanks a lot buddy!”The word” buddy” was like a sting to her ears now. He said, ’Bye” and she immediately hung up the phone because she didn’t had anything more to say now.

Again a long sleepless night,your thoughts lingering in my mind.....

Again that restless attempt to stop myself from thinking about you....

Again that desperation, that desire to get back something lost,lost long back...

Again those teary eyes, gazing the moon,remembering the times together.

Once again.....that dreaded nightmare,your image coming alive....

Your voice in my ears,first faint,then becoming louder and louder....

Again,your everlasting memories surfacing up,in that seemingly never ending lonely dark night....

जी चाहता है इस वक्त को यूँ थाम लूं 

 बारिश की फिसलती बून्दूं का पैगाम दूं 

है हर समय अनमोल ,कुछ अछा कुछ बुरा , जीयो हर एक पल  

क्यूंकि ऐसा न हो कि तुम्हे फिर याद आये बीता कल 

लहरो की बेताबी को खुद में समा लो 

भूलो हर ग़म ,ख़ुशी को अपना  बना लो 

मिलना और बिचादना तोह है नियति का खेल 

कितना अजीब  इत्तेफाक है हमारा मेल 

जी चाहता है ,कि हर डर को पार कर लूँ 

तुम्हारे चेहरे कि मुस्कान एक बार फिर गुलज़ार कर दूं 

है तुमसे कुछ नाता ज़रूर ,पर इस रिशते को में  आखीर क्या नाम दूं .......

I don't know why......

At age 78, she can still amaze with her childlike enthusiasm towards life .. Nani!

Those tender eyes ,those wrinkled lines

Those completly white locks of hair,and your  flawless  flair

Your never sinking spirit of life, your readiness for every strife

Your wise talks yet the hidden innocence that lies in them sometimes

That shine on your face on seeing the ones you love, that eagerness, that concern

Your telling us stories of Little mermaid under the moonlit sky,and  the next day’s wonderful breakfast you made,your forcing us to take bath before we ate and the hue and cry

I remember your effort and frustration of trying to teach me knitting ending up in vain

The smell of the mysore sandal powder in your house,your firmness yet no pain

That sublime and unconditional  love of yours which I always feel,though I never say,I don’t know why.

Growing up and staying busy,never made me to forget missing you when you are not around,

I always feel your warmth,once in a while....but all I can say is I just don't express,I don’t know why.....

Geet...........

Gun gun gun kyoon mein gungunaoon?

Sun sun sun is anjaan dil ko kaise samjhaoon?

yeh toh baar baar palti khata jaaye.....

phir koi nayi daastan duhraye.......

Gun gun gun kyoon mein gungunaoon?

Sun sun sun is anjaan dil ko kaise samjhaoon?

yeh aasmaan kyoon lage itna suhana

yeh panchi toh gaye raag wahi purana

Barishoon ki boonde mujhe kyoon aaj rujhaye

yeh hawaeyein mere kaano mein sarsarayein

yeh kaisa junoon hai,yeh kaisa nasha hai

kyoon lage har pal pyara,kyoon sab kuch bhala hai?

kyoon khwaishein uthe,nayi umange lehlehrayein.........

Aaj zindagi nayi raah par hai kadam badhaye

Hai jeet ka bharosa,aur khud par hai aas

Udane ki lalak mein,yeh pankh phir phadphadaye...

Gun gun gun kyoon mein gungunaoon?

Sun sun sun is anjaan dil ko kaise samjhaoon?

 

Goodbye......

I don't want to get lost,but the silence around,scares me.
The days seem to so long,darker than the nights.
I don't want to leave yet,but the loneliness which surrounds me,
Everything looks so gloomy,so vague.
The veil of emptiness,blinds me.
I just can't stand the sudden stream of light pouring inside through the windows.
I am tired of expressing myself,making them to understand me.
I can't struggle anymore,willing to quit,to surrender.
There's no way out,no escape from this inner turmoil.
Wish it was'ant so late.
Situations are complex now,more like the enmeshed threads of a spider's web.
The more you try to solve them,the further you get entangled.
What may seem true,is sadly not the just reality.
Life's a mirage,I've discovered it now,in pursuit of my search for the oasis of happiness.
My soul is not yet ready to sublime.
But things have lost control,gone much way beyond my comprehension.
Guess,its time for me to go now.

(PS-The above lines are a work of fiction.It bears no resemblance and relation to the writer in any way whatsoever.)